So that happened.

I got up with my toddler at 3 AM this morning and, after half an hour of sheer panic, went for the Ativan. I was bracing myself for Bad last night. We got Worse.

And the finger pointing begins. Whose fault is it? Racists? Third party voters? Nonvoters? The DNC for pushing a candidate who was widely disliked and being actively investigated by the FBI? Neoliberalism? Hillary Clinton herself, for thumbing her nose at rightists (“deplorables”) and leftists (“Bernie bros” who need to “get a life”) alike, for taking the votes of blacks, progressives, and other populations too much for granted?

We can play the blame game and deepen the divisions and hostility in our country. Or, we can look at ways to move forward. I am sounding more hopeful than I feel, believe me.

Right now I’m terrified, especially for my son. He’s so young, he has so many challenges already. Will he lose access to medical care and developmental services? Will bullying of disabled kids and those who are different become worse than it already is? What future will he inherit? An America without free speech? Civil war? An uninhabitable planet? Our country is headed into terrifying places, but that didn’t just happen last night.

We need to wake up.

We need a revolution. A revolution in thinking and acting and being, based on socialist and anti-authoritarian principles. The opposite of Trump, in other words. The opposite of everything our political system has been offering us. But are there enough people in America who believe in these values – values such as compassion, equality, noncoercion and mutual interdependence – for this to actually happen? And if so, how bad will it have to get before they are willing to join this revolution?

I’m at a loss. I’m going to go hug my son tight and love him till it hurts.

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